


Happiness

by SunJinMi



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 14:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20176039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunJinMi/pseuds/SunJinMi
Summary: When Jinsoul finds Jungeun struggling in the library after classes.orThey both go over thoughts while heading out of school.





	Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven't posted anything in a LONG time. and I'm gradually removing all my stories from AFF to here so yeah. 
> 
> Also, I didn't proofread this so yeh-

Aimlessly walking around the library, Jinsoul wasn’t quite sure as to why she was there in the first place. Sure she loved the silence in the room, she loved thinking about all those happy endings in the stories the books hold. But at this moment; she didn’t exactly have a valid reason to be there. Tracing the spines of all the random books on the shelves, Jinsoul's eyes found their way to a nearby table, unconsciously smiling as she saw a familiar figure slouching in her seat, head on the table as she looked like she gave up on studying.

Maybe that was the reason why she was here- She is mostly the reason why Jinsoul does most things anyway.

Quietly approaching the figure, she effortlessly pulled a chair for herself, sitting beside the girl before gently stroking her hair. “Information overload Jungie?”

The younger girl let out a soft whine, soft enough that it could actually be inaudible. But Jinsoul would always hear whatever she would say, even if it was just a sigh- her senses always seemed to heighten if it was about Jungeun anyway.

“I don’t understand how you did this effortlessly last year.” Instead of saying anything else, Jinsoul simply smiled at her before moving to grab hold of the younger girl’s book; preparing herself to help Jungeun in any way she can.

Time seemed to go by fast as the two girls spent the whole afternoon together, supposedly studying- supposedly Jinsoul teaching the brunette- not the older studying the features of Jungeun’s face while the younger wasn’t looking. Studying her facial features instead of the books in front of them. And especially not smiling and laughing along as they did anything else but study the material in front of them.

But she could **never** refuse Jungeun.

Their supposed study session was paused as Jungeun’s phone notified her of a message. Jinsoul watched as the girl opened the text, expression changing into something that makes the blonde wonder- makes her think about so many things; only to be brushed off as she saw Jungeun look at her apologetically.

“This was successful don’t you think?”

“I was supposed to help you with learning stuff for your class. How do you consider what we did successful?”

“Well, I learned more things about you.”

Jinsoul blinked- thinking about how she had to control her expressions, if not- she was sure that her cheeks would be painted pink by hearing Jungeun’s innocent reply.

Jungeun always had that effect on her anyway.

She noticed that the younger girl began slowly packing up her bag before looking at her once again, that same apologetic smile on her face. “I should get going…”

Jinsoul looked down and caught a glimpse of the girl’s phone before meeting her eyes to Jungeun’s, offering her a faint smile of her own.

“Date with Sooyoung?” There was a visible flinch right after Jinsoul's question, she saw the hesitation in Jungeun’s expression as if she was thinking of the right thing to say. Rather than giving her the chance to say anything else, Jinsoul simply stood up and packed her bag as well, saying the words that broke her heart slowly. “You shouldn’t keep your girlfriend waiting.”

The two fell silent as they both packed up, both unsure as to what could be said. Both too distracted with their thoughts to notice that the other was actually moving as slow as possible, as if trying to prolong whatever it was they were doing- just as long as it meant they'd be with each other longer.

With a final zip of their bags, the two found themselves looking at each other in the eye yet again. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, Jinsoul took a deep breath as she heard the girl in front of her speak up. “Want to walk out together?”

Jinsoul knew better. She knew that hoping or holding onto something she knew wouldn’t- couldn't happen, would just hurt her in the end. She knew it would lead to nothing but her feeling miserable.

But logic never really mattered when she was with Jungeun.

So instead of doing the smart decision, Jinsoul nodded and started walking beside the slightly shorter girl. Quietly walking at a slow pace, they were comfortable- despite the obvious tension between them.

It’s just how they were.

Another notification came from Jungeun’s phone, the sound hurting Jinsoul a little as it reminded her of what would happen once they reach the front gate of the university. So in an attempt to try and drown it out, Jinsoul cleared her throat before speaking up.

“Jungeun, shouldn’t you get that?” From the corner of her eye, she could see the brunette flinch at the statement. Biting her inner cheek, Jinsoul tried her best to not look at the girl beside her. She tried to not notice how the tips of Jungeun's ears were brushed with a tinge of pink.

“You know, you’re the only one who calls me Jungeun.”

They were silent as soon as Jungeun said those words, the sound of her phone ringing could be heard yet ignored. Jinsoul took a quick glance at the slightly shorter girl, trying to check her expression for any sign of discomfort- or any emotion. But instead only saw the girl with eyes looking ahead of them, gripping onto her bag.

“Not even her?” Another flinch. Jinsoul wasn’t quite sure as to why the girl was acting strange now but decided to push away the urge to ask so once she saw Jungeun shake her head. “I guess I should call you Lip then.”

“Don’t.” Jinsoul turned to look back at Jungeun, surprised as she saw the girl a few paces behind her, with an unreadable expression. “I like- how it sounds when you say it…”

Hearing the younger girl’s voice made Jinsoul drown everything else out. It was strange- even when Jungeun said things that made no sense, said things that were simple. It would still make Jinsoul’s heart flutter… but then again, they were just friends. Friends shouldn’t make friends feel that way right?

Jinsoul tightened her grip on her own bag, their eyes meeting as the brunette looked up. As if everything around them didn't matter as they were looking at each other, they both didn't do anything to break their eye contact. There was a look in Jungeun's eyes that the blonde couldn't interpret, and Jinsoul was itching to ask for clarity. But just as she gathered the courage to want to speak up, the sound of Jungeun's phone broke the silence as it started ringing yet again.

Jinsoul decided against what she wanted to do just a few seconds ago and was the first to break the eye contact, clearing her throat before turning around and walking once again. “Shouldn’t keep her waiting.”

The soft footsteps from behind told her that Jungeun was indeed walking with her again. And before they knew it, the reached the main entrance of their campus. And from where they were, they could see a tall brunette leaning against the main gate of the university with a phone in her hand. Right before Jinsoul was about to call for the girl, she heard the one beside her speak up once more

“Have you ever thought…” Jinsoul noticed that her voice was different- it was softer, and she could tell that Jungeun was thinking about the effects of the words she was going to say. “… what if?”

Jinsoul looked at the girl with a soft gaze, she wanted to tell Jungeun that it was all she ever thought about. She wanted the younger girl to know that if given a chance, everything would be different. If she had the chance, she and Jungeun wouldn't just be best friends. That they both wouldn't just be the best friends who grew up together, that she would have made a move- she would have done it sooner. That she would have told Sooyoung that she had feelings for Jungeun as well. That she would have fought for the girl- because she knew that Jungeun felt the same as well.

But Jinsoul was never good with expressing herself.

So instead Jinsoul simply stayed silent when her friend told her about being interested in Jungeun. She stayed quiet as she saw her best friend get courted by another friend of hers. She turned away when she heard Sooyoung ask Jungeun out. She stayed quiet as Sooyoung asked her to be her girlfriend. She walked away before an answer was said, wanting to avoid the ache in her heart if she heard the response.

If only Jinsoul knew, at that time- just as she walked away. She missed the tentative glance Jungeun threw her way- as if checking to see if Jinsoul would interject and say something.

But she didn’t.

Just like now.

Instead, Jinsoul looked towards the gate- eyes observing Sooyoung at the gate as she wanted to avoid Jungeun's gaze. Because once their eyes would meet, Jungeun would see the look in her eyes. With just one look, Jungeun would see the regret and sadness in Jinsoul's eyes. She would be able to read all of Jinsoul's emotions, she'd read Jinsoul like an open book.

She was always able to anyway.

The silence was broken yet again when the phone rang once more. With closed eyes, Jinsoul took a deep breath and asked Jungeun a question in return. “Are you happy?”

Jungeun blinked at Jinsoul before slowly nodding, yet it was obvious that it was laced with uncertainty. So Jinsoul looked at her, ignoring how she saw Jungeun's worry as soon as their eyes met, and gave her a small regretful smile. “Then the what-ifs don’t matter. You being happy is what matters.”

“And you?”

Jinsoul stayed quiet as she looked back at Sooyoung, biting her inner cheek as another sad smile was on her face. “I’ll be graduating soon remember- I’ll probably be too busy to see you all again anytime soon.”

“You didn’t answer me...” Jinsoul was surprised as she felt the sudden gentle hold Jungeun used to hold onto her hand. The older moved to stare at their joined hands- for Jinsoul it looked right. It felt right. “What about your happiness? Doesn’t that matter too?”

“It does.” Still looking at their hands, Jinsoul let out another sigh before gently squeezing her hand, fully knowing that her next sentence might make things even harder. “You **are** my happiness Jungeun and you matter so, so much.”

Jinsoul felt Jungeun tighten her to hold onto her hand, but instead of looking back at Jungeun, she began to pull the girl along with her, walking right towards Sooyoung. She could feel Jungeun resist- pulling back as if she wanted to prolong the time they were spending with each other- but Jinsoul knew that was unfair for Sooyoung.

Once close enough, Jinsoul reluctantly pulled her hand back and waved at Sooyoung with a smile on her face- the other girl clueless of what happened between the two. She smiled back at Jinsoul before smiling even wider at Jungeun. “No wonder you weren’t picking up your phone, you were with Soul!”

Sooyoung chuckled softly before giving Jinsoul a friendly hug once they were close enough, afterwards turning to Jungeun with a bright smile. “Ready?”

Jinsoul saw Jungeun steal a quick glance at her, quick enough not to be seen- but again, Jinsoul would always notice the smallest things that the other girl would do.

Before anything else could happen, Jinsoul bid them both goodbye and walked the other way, even if the direction she was taking now would prolong the time it takes for her to get home. But she didn't mind. Especially since if she went the normal way home, she would end up seeing the other two walking together, as a couple.

If only Jinsoul was brave enough to do something- anything, this would have been the moment wherein Jinsoul would have pulled Jungeun into a tight but embrace, it would have been that moment when they tell each other that they loved each other and gave each other a quick peck before walking home together.

But it wasn’t that moment. She wasn’t that brave.

A sudden vibration in her pocket broke her train of thought, pulling her phone out of her pocket- Jinsoul saw the message on her screen.

_You took the long way again… send me a message when you get home? Please be careful._

With another sigh, Jinsoul pocketed her phone not bothering to reply to Jungeun as she continued walking, slowly getting lost into her thoughts as the younger girl was going around her mind yet again.

Jinsoul has taken it to heart that she lost her chance, and it breaks her heart every day. She knew that Jungeun knew about her feelings, and the blonde knew she felt the same- but both were just too scared to do anything. Both were too scared to make a move.

Jinsoul has always wanted her Fantasy ending- holding hands with Jungeun, going on dates, bringing her to the beach even though Jinsoul herself doesn’t really favor the place, but only because she knows that the younger girl would love the feeling of the sand between her toes. They would sit there and enjoy the sunset, side by side with soft whispers of I love you and a quick stolen kisses on each other’s cheeks.

But instead all she can do is try and smile for them, constantly telling herself that Sooyoung is treating Jungeun right and that she is happy.

Because for her, that’s all that mattered. And if Jungeun was happy, so was she.

After all, Jungeun was her happiness. 


End file.
